so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
Randomize
