apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Randomize
