Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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