Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
