he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Randomize
