I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
i drank out of a bidet.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
