they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
