using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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