so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
