I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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