when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
false alarm. still invincible.
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
