worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
Randomize
