I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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