Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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