ADVERTISEMENT

• (847): View more from Illinois

  I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?

  Fav 5 1641 4236

  share tweet
  

• (803): View more from South Carolina

  For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.

  Fav 3 1551 2058

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (706): View more from Georgia

  Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....

  Fav 8 1054 2109

  share tweet
  

• (819): View more from Quebec

  I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.

  Fav 4 2620 1069

  share tweet
  

• (905): View more from Ontario

  foreskin is a definite game changer

  Fav 24 1363 1245

  share tweet
  

• (630): View more from Illinois

  I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.

  Fav 3 1028 601

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (978): View more from Massachusetts

  We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.

  Fav 3 477 826

  share tweet
  

• (+61): View more from Australia

  My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year

  Fav 0 746 593

  share tweet
  

• (812): View more from Indiana

  I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive

  Fav 1 844 303

  share tweet
  

• (586): View more from Michigan

  It would be magical, all 2 min of it.

  Fav 2 263 207

  share tweet
  

• (508): View more from Massachusetts

  Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids

  Fav 1 61 12

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (818): View more from California

  I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!

  Fav 6 141 13

  share tweet
  

• (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.

  Fav 0 33 12

  share tweet
  

• (913): View more from Kansas

  The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.

  Fav 0 60 9

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (901): View more from Tennessee

  I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.

  Fav 0 60 10

  share tweet
  

Randomize