Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
