You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize