cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Randomize
