I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
