Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Randomize