Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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