My boss' voice literally gives me gas
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
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