what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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