Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Randomize
