my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
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