i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
