Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
