Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Randomize
