Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Randomize
