Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Randomize
