I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
