She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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