I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
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