shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
