Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
cat food counts as protein by the way
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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