After last night, I could never be a politician.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Randomize
