he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
