so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I can't put those talents on a resume
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
