I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
I haven't been this sober since birth.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize
