You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
