I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
