Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize