Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
