Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Randomize
