I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
found the other keg... it's in the tree
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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