do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
he's gonorrhea incarnate
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize