My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
