is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Randomize
