I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Randomize
