The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
I wish I only lived at night.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize