EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
It's rum buckets o'clock
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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