Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Randomize
