at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Man, jail baloney is awful.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
These tits shall not be calmed
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize
