if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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