she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
