in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
