My friends, they love my intelligence
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
