Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
