Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
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