Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
