hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize