True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
