my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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