Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
