i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
