One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
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