I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
