oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
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