i was born a porn star she said
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
