yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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