I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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