DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Randomize
