You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Dicks are not precious.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize
