u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
