So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Randomize
