somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
