After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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