If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Randomize
