pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
