Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
You need a sexual gate keeper
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
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