I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
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