Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
