No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Randomize