I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
