he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
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