He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
