everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
