Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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