Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize